I am a worry wart let’s face it, always have been, probably always will. I wonder what I would be like or what I would do with myself if I didn’t worry.
I go to these Executive Assistant Conferences (EA Conference) and they talk about confidence all of the time, they talk about leadership a lot and I look at myself and all I see is an anxious mess in one form or another. I googled anxiety and found out that it’s about worrying about the future instead of being present in the now. What I wouldn’t do to be grounded in my body present to my life, to my children, to my partner, to my friends. Instead here I go again scrolling through Facebook making myself feel bad about myself, I don’t exercise enough, I don’t eat right, let’s get some essential oils, lets drink some more wine. I know I’ve got a solution let’s scroll through Facebook again, I’m so busy being busy, I’m flat out being busy, I don’t have time for myself, I don’t have time to be a good mum, I don’t have time to be a great partner, I don’t have time to love myself. In fact, I hate myself. I’m a big fat failure. I hate my job, I hate my home, I hate the chaos, I hate my car, I hate my family as they are annoying, I hate my clothes, I hate my handbag, I hate my food, I hate my choices.
OMG I’m nearly 40 and only just realising that I have been sold a lie. The fairytale that doesn’t exist! Prince Charming is not coming to save me, I might just have to save myself. I might just have to kiss myself awake from this terrible nightmare.
OMG I am such a drama queen…am I being too dramatic, maybe I should be grateful, maybe I should appreciate all of my blessings. Not everyone has a car, not everyone has a partner, not everyone has the children they always dreamed of, not everyone has a roof over their heads, not everyone has a kitchen, not everyone has a job, shoes now I feel calmer... I breathe easier.
But for how long?